


It's Okay

by wripinel



Series: Bottle Feeding [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: 48 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, F/M, I am still trying to figure out how to fix it, just horribly written, please do not read this, really really awful smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-06-24 13:07:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19724269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wripinel/pseuds/wripinel
Summary: Envy has anxiety. Riza's there to help.NEEDS TO BE EDITED, not ready for an audience yet, sorry, please don't read. Edit: This is now being rewritten and will be deleted as soon as I have the rewritten version completed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Related to "Bottle Feeding" and part of the same story, but I'm making it a separate work.

Envy came from around the counter of the corner store where he worked. It was the end of his shift. Neon lights flickered in the window against the darkness of the night sky, the buzz of the coolers lining the walls maintaining a steady hum to keep the beverages inside chilled.

Riza stood by the door in her leather jacket. He walked into her arms, and she held onto him. 

"Harder?" he mumbled into her shoulder.

She squeezed him with all her strength, and he grunted from the crushing pressure. 

"How's that?" she asked.

"Yeah...make it hurt."

She picked him up off the ground, so that his feet dangled, and held him firm around his chest. She arched backwards, lifting him up further and letting gravity tighten her grip.

When he struggled to breathe in her arms, she put him down. 

"Is it your chest again?"

Envy nodded. "My heart hurts. Feels like...it's too tight. Think I might die of a heart attack at twenty-two?"

She shook her head and ruffled his hair. "No...I don't think that."

Her arms came back around him and he let himself be held in the warmth of her embrace, less constricting this time in its gentleness. 

"What's going on inside your head? Tell me."

"Hard to say. It goes around in circles. It feels like I'm forgetting something important...I think someone's going to hurt me...I keep thinking something bad is going to happen..."

Her hand rubbed against his shoulder in circles and he sniffled into her shoulder. He'd cried so much the last few days he didn't have any tears left, but the feeling of terror and misery was still there, deep down inside under the numbness.

"Who's going to hurt you?" she murmured into his ear. "I'll kill them."

He laughed at that. "I don't know. Just someone, anyone. They'll poison me or set me on fire. Just...something bad is going to happen."

She rocked him back and forth. "And what if nothing bad happens?" 

He blinked at that, considering.

"Imagine no one hurts you, and everything turns out okay. Do you believe me when I say that's possible?"

He nodded slowly, and curled more into her arms. "I believe it when I'm here with you."

She kept holding him, running the palms of her hands down his back in firm strokes. 

"I feel..." he said, "I feel safer when I'm with you. Like nothing can hurt me while you're here."

She kissed the side of his cheek. "And how can we make it so that you feel safe even when I'm not here?" 

"I don't know," he laughed again. "I'm a mess without you."

~ ~ ~

They went outside to the parking lot and got in Riza's car. Envy buckled his seatbelt as Riza got in on the driver's side and switched on the radio to an oldies station. A soft voice crooned along to the sound of a piano and saxophone as the car pulled out of the driveway. Envy's hand was on his thigh, and Riza reached over to cover it with her own, squeezing once before letting go.

Tears tried to come up to Envy's eyes. He needed to tell her thank you, to show her his gratitude somehow. Staring at the lights rushing past on the highway, he wondered how to do this and came upon a solution. 

~ ~ ~

Keys rattled in the lock as they entered their apartment. Envy turned in the doorway, cupped Riza's face in his hands, and pressed his lips to hers. She inhaled sharply a little before kissing him back, surprised. It had been a long time since Envy did this. His mouth was gentle in its presses, sweet and slow. His thumbs stroked under her cheekbones, before his hands slid up to the sides of her head, one coming around to deftly unclip her hair from its bun and let down the golden tresses. 


	2. Chapter 2

Despite his shorter stature, his strong arms tensed, his legs braced, and he lifted her easily within the space of a breath.

He kept kissing her even as he backed her up against the front door and held her there, the latch clicking shut.

One hand trailed up to her breast while his hips grinded into her.

 _C'mon_ , he thought to himself, _just get hard, it's easy, come on..._

But nothing happened. No stirring in his gut, not a single spark of arousal. He tried to distract her (and himself) with deeper and more passionate kisses, slanting his mouth over hers again and again, tilting his head for a better angle.

He kept wishing and hoping that something would happen, anything. But it was useless.

And it wasn't for lack of being attracted to Riza. When they first got together he hadn't been able to keep his hands off her, they'd been having sex almost every single day. But now...something was wrong inside him. Like some kind of block in his mind.

Riza's hands slid to his shoulders, and she leaned back to look him in the eye.

"Envy..." she said gently.

He kept his head down, gaze averted.

"Envy, it's okay..."

Shame washed through him. There was nothing okay about this. He was failing to perform. He was useless. He was ten years younger than her, twenty-two and could barely file taxes or take care of himself, practically a grown infant, what good was he if he couldn't...do this?

The one thing he always had going for him was his ability to make Riza come. He still remembered the long hot days in the summer when he'd given her pleasure from morning to night, keeping her soft and breathless and exhausted. Those days were long gone now. He wasn't sure if they would ever return.

It wasn't that he couldn't do it with his mouth or his hands instead. But his mind wasn't really into it either. It was like his body and mind were connected, and if one checked out, so did the other.

Still, he could try.

He knelt down swiftly to unzip the fly of her pants, hooking his thumbs into the belt loops to pull them down over her hips. Her hands stopped him.

"You don't have to do that."

"But I want to." He looked up at her through his eyelashes, mouth curving up into a practiced smirk. But it faltered, once, at the edges.

She saw right through his facade and shook her head, pushing his hands away to pull her pants back up. He stared at the floor, ashamed. He didn't have the strength to stand right now.

The gentle press of her fingers under his chin tilted his face up. 

"I think we need to talk."

~ ~ ~

She lead him into the bedroom, and they sat on the mattress side by side. Her thumb kept stroking over the top of his wrist as she held his hand. 

"Why would you try to have sex when you don't feel like it? Is it something I've done, did I make you feel pressured?" 

Envy hesitated, the words coming out halted. "It's been a long time..."

Riza waited patiently for him to continue.

"I thought...aren't you... Don't you have...needs? And I'm not giving you what you need. And if I keep holding out, you'll...go to someone else." Instantly an image of Roy Mustang came to mind, Riza's coworker. "You'll leave me."

"I won't."

"It's been three months."

"I can wait Envy. We don't have to have sex."

"What if...what if I don't ever want to have sex again?"

She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. 

"Then we'll find other things to do instead."

She leaned her forehead against his. He closed his eyes against the comforting pressure.

"My shift starts late tomorrow..." she suggested, "Why don't we go to the park in the morning?"

He nodded, and she kissed the tip of his nose.

"Alright," she said, "let's get ready for bed then."


	3. Chapter 3

In the morning Envy woke up spooning Riza with his arm draped over the indent of her waist, his nose pressed into her hair. He shivered under the warm blankets and held her closer, curling into her. She sighed and mumbled something in her sleep. 

He kissed her cheek and settled his head back down on the pillow, closing his eyes. Remembered what it used to be like in the beginning.

Remembered her dominating him. Remembered the way she'd touch him under the sheets, the special places she'd found to make him gasp and whimper. He remembered her pegging him, the bars of the headboard nearly breaking in his hands from the back-and-forth pull as she'd rammed into him from behind. Face red with embarrassment and pleasure, his eyes closed and his brows tensed up. 

He remembered the way her mouth felt wrapped around him, the slick heat of her tongue. The silky smoothness of the inside of her cheeks. How she dragged her lips across him while he was helpless to do anything else but watch, panting.

Remembered the time she'd blindfolded him and tied his hands above him, and rode him so slowly, making him so sensitive that every brush of skin, every caress, every time the swell of her breasts inside her lacy bra dipped down and touched against his chest, his nerve endings had been on fire.

He remembered all of this with clarity, and yet now he remained soft and limp inside his boxer shorts.

Breathing deeply the smell of her hair conditioner, he wrapped his arm tighter around her and closed his eyes. 

~ ~ ~

At the park, they sat by the lake and watched the grey fog dissipate overhead, sunlight slowly pouring through the sky. Bright purple and yellow flowers grew along the shoreline, geese waddled past. 

Envy was lost in his thoughts, worried again about sex. He wondered how to bring up the topic. If he should just leave it alone. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Critique on my smut scenes is welcome. What grosses you out, what turns you on? What's working, what's not? Let me know!

_One year ago:_

Neighbor Samuel Everwood, who lived downstairs, was decidedly _not_ having a good evening. 

“They’re at it again?!” The poor man put a pillow over his head to muffle the sounds that were coming down through the ceiling. It was useless however, as he could still hear everything. 

“Like fucking rabbits...” he grumbled. “Don’t those idiots ever sleep?”

The iron bedframe squealed and squeaked mercilessly as the occupants of the room were caught in the throes of passion. Envy hunched over Riza and held onto her from behind at the end of the bed. 

Sweat gleamed on their naked bodies in the dim light. They had been at this for some time. Both of them gasped and panted harshly, toes curled in the carpet and fingers fisted in the sheets. Riza's stomach dug into the edge of the mattress.

Envy in particular struggled to catch his breath as he tried to maintain a steady, harsh rhythm. His headband kept slipping down, hair wild and damp with sweat. He grabbed onto Riza’s hips with his strong hands and yanked her closer.

The goal was to come together this time. But Envy's cock had other ideas, and he groaned in frustration with himself.

“Riza...are you...close...?”

He wasn't going to last much longer.

She panted and nodded her head, shoulders hunched as her hands gripped onto the sheets. 

Shudders ran down him and his eyes rolled briefly before he closed them, trying to think about something unsexy and unappealing to lead him away from the edge, trying to hold on for a little bit longer. But it was useless, he was too caught up in the moment.

The warmth and softness of her body were too much for him. Not only being inside her, just the press of her back against his front, the idea that that she was naked underneath him, the fact that it was _Riza_ , he was having sex with _Riza_ and he loved her.

He loved her so goddamn much.

He had to pause his thrusts, had to stop. He breathed harshly as he held onto her from behind, knees shaking. If he moved he was going to come. He had to make her finish first. His fingers went down to her front and started slipping in wet circles against the little nub down there. She gasped and cried out a little, and he felt a wave of pleasure go down his spine, he had to grit his teeth against it.

All the little sounds she was making were too much for him. He felt another shudder and knew if he didn't pull out soon...

"Riza, I have to...I'm going to cum, I can't last any longer..."

Her hand reached around and grabbed firmly onto his ass, pulling him back against her. He tried to resist, tried to protest, but she was having none of it.

“We should get you a cock ring,” she murmured, feigning absent-mindedness as she grinded backwards. “That will keep you nice and hard for as long as I want. You won’t be able to come then. Not until I take it off.”

His eyes closed, shoulders trembling as he bit his lip to hold back a whine.

He imagined it... maybe he could keep thrusting into her all night long on the edge of release, swollen and close, but never coming until she saw fit to take it off. Not until he deserved release, until he’d earned it. He could just imagine the look on her face, the playfully evil gleam in her eye...

“Should get you a vibrator too,” she added, almost as an afterthought as she squeezed her hand on the muscle of his cheek. “I’ll make you feel so good sweetheart...”

“Riza-“ he started, breathless, and orgasm shuddered through him. He whimpered and cried out, and his knees were weak and he gave in to their weakness and fell to them, kneeling before her as she turned around on shaking legs and sat on the edge of the bed, facing him. He reached for her thighs, easing them further apart and fingers sliding up to her pussy to pull her outer folds aside, looking at the skin that was red and raw and wet within.

He could see her throbbing.

A deep, starving hunger overcame him and he leaned forward, mouth watering as the flat of his tongue lapped in broad, desperate strokes against her. His hands cupped around her shaking thighs, fingers digging in as his mouth worked her, head and neck going up and down as he tried to lavish attention on every inch of sensitive skin.

She was all his, and he worshipped at her altar. He could be on his knees all day for her.

“Mine,” he growled against her, and hyperfocus overcame him as he narrowed in on her clit, lapping against it repeatedly, pressing hot and wet. She shuddered and bucked against his face and a sweet euphoria overcame his mind as he felt her orgasm.

She was still sitting on edge of the bed, legs spread, catching her breath, and he sagged all the way down to sit on the carpet, head collapsing to rest on top of her lap.

They stayed like that for a while, enjoying the aftershocks and listening to each other breathe.

And poor Samuel Everwood was finally able to sleep as the lovers quieted for the night.


End file.
